I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
