How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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