Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
