I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
