dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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