She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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