"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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