we're chasing vodka with high fives
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
