I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
