I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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