It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
