Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
