we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
