Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
