there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
