I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
