Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
