I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
