I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
