So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
