My hand turned me down
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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