You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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