i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im holly from the hills drunk
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There r osticjed everywhere
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
