Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
