I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
