Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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