I bet he comes in French.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
