Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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