why didn't you poke me back
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize