if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
what day is it and did you see me today?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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