Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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