I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
