david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
