Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
