and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
