Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
