we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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