i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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