So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
