Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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