you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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