did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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