we have pet lesbian snakes
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
