Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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