too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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