I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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