dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
