I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
