My first STD was from a foam party
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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