How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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