Buhtt sex?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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