Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
