Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
