So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
