there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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