It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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