he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
