That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
