I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
