East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
