marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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