K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you guys were way drunker than both of me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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