I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
