Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
