At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
