i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
