I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
