Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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