My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
