the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
