apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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