I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
