Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
