I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
