I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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