she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
