I cannot find my penis.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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