so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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