so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
