I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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