My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
