We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
