My liver just broke up with me...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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