dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
