good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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