I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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